Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Just a Blank Monday

Following such a lovely weekend, yesterdays outlook as I peered out of the window at 05.00 was decidedly grim. It looked cold and wet out there, so different from the blue skies and sunshine of the day before. This change may well have been predicted, but I seldom look at weather forecasts due to their frequent inaccuracies.

My reaction to the sight and sound of rain beating against the tempered glass of the window was simple. I closed the blinds, made a cup of tea and settled into a comfortable position on the settee. I took the first pills of the day, an unfortunate necessity which along with the analgesic patch bring me some relief from the pain. Sometimes I manage to drift into a light sleep at this point, but not today, I seemed to have too many useless thoughts spinning around inside my head.

Eventually I started to feel somewhat better as the medication began to have some effect and so made another cup of tea (we English and our tea) then went upstairs to log on and check my emails. Of course having become a Twitter, I just had to take a look at Twitter first, see who has been twittering, have read of all the messages, see if I have any more followers. I bid everyone a good morning then poised with fingers above keyboard awaiting signals from brain, but the old brain was blank. 

I did all my Monday morning sort of stuff, checking the bank account,  statements, bills, spreadsheets etc., etc. fetched prescriptions, put the bin out then went back to Twitter - still blank.

I had two important letters to write today, important that is to the people concerned. I could not think of what to say. I could not even start to write the beginning, I certainly did not know how it was going to end and there were no thoughts for the bit in the middle. Total blank.

Monday afternoon I had set aside for writing (wouldn't you just know it), my birding blog was falling behind, I had some spreadsheets that I had promised to design and I was falling behind with changes to the Flights India website. I had calls to make,but did not make them because in my mind I did not know what I was going to say. I had so much I was trying to do today but in fact I was achieving nothing. Everything had the same outcome, the same result, just Blank!

Instead of brain waves my head was filled with a stormy ocean, swirling around inside my skull, tossing my thoughts about like a stricken vessel lost in this turmoil of  raging seas. Nothing would be achieved today, eventually I admitted defeat and gave up.

Calm was restored later. A soak in the bath, followed by Ashes to Ashes on the telly provided an escape from reality. I took my last pills of the day with a cup of Horlicks ( I know it sounds old fashioned but I have come to like it) then off to bed. I lay thinking of the day, all the things I had tried to do and failed to achieve and then my mind... gently....  drifted..... off....... away....... b l a n k .....

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